Disclaimer: My friend Derek writes many an essay from the perspective of his cat, Hugo, as well as other animals (my baby Holly included). I recently got inspired to try and do something along a similar vein… but unfortunately, some recent events have expedited the process. So before you continue reading, just know that this message from my feline friend is not a happy one. But I couldn’t let her go unheard.
I understand that you have not heard from me often. I’m sorry. Sometimes I struggle to find… uh… the words? I think that is right. We cats do not have words. We speak in lots of sounds– I like to say “mrow”, and “ack”, and… I like to rumble!
I am sorry… Words are hard. I forgot I was wording.
My sister Holly (I love her!) has told me that I should call you something strange like “peasant” or “servant”. She says you are here to serve her… and I think you do good! But I don’t like those names. Those names are mean. I like “friend” better. I have heard you call me “friend”.
I am tired lately. I miss you, friend. I am currently staying at my favorite person’s house! I think he is your mom? Wait, Holly has told me the human is called a “dad”. Do I have a dad? I think I had a mom, but friend, your “dad” has always been more of a mom to me. Does that make sense? I am struggling.
I know sometimes I am….difficult. Difficult is a big word. Is it right? When I’m happy, my claws move sometimes, and you seem upset by this. Why? Do they hurt? I cannot say I’m sure. I have never been the, er, I think they say “brightest” of kitties. I like the word kitty. It is cute.
Am I cute? You have called me and Holly cute. I’m rumbling now! …I stopped. I miss you.
My tummy hurts lately. It’s hard to move, and I’m sad. I am not usually sad, as you and mom (dad?) and all the other big cats (people, Holly says… people) are very kind to me. Dad has been giving me lots of attention, but he keeps trying to give me some food. I’m not hungry. I have not been hungry in a while. I am tired. Very tired.
I hope you know how much I love you. Sometimes I make you mad… I get that. I am a cat and you are a bigger cat people. Your cat people ways are hard. You cry sometimes. I rumble because you like when I rumble. I keep seeing you cry lately… I’m sorry. You look at me and you cry. Is it something I did? I just want you to be okay.
I think I’m starting to understand. I’ve never been good at understanding anything, but I think I finally know what’s going on. I’m going somewhere else. Somewhere new. I don’t feel right in this world anymore. I feel weak, and I am sad, and you keep crying. I don’t want that for you. I want you to feel good. I felt good for a very, very, very long time.
Very, very. I like repeating the words. It means I very very love you.
Anyway… I wanted to try and write. I gotta say… it’s hard to move this pencil with my teeth. Holly has bigger teeth. Have you seen her teeth? My sister is cute. You love my sister and she loves you. She is worried about me. She will take care of you like you take care of her. I will miss you. But I love you. I hope I took care of you good like she did. I always try my best.
Words are hard, but I made some happen. I hope they make sense. I’m more tired now. I just want to sleep. Soon, I think I will go to sleep for a long time. You cry when I think about sleeping. But it’s okay. I’m just tired. I’ll feel better once I get some rest. Maybe someday, you can take a long nap too, and we will hang out. I’ll rumble for you again! I know you like the rumbles. (Holly rumbles too!)
I leave you in the hands of my sister, Holly. When I’m this sleepy, it’s hard to be the funny guy (that is what Holly says “jester” means). Maybe you need to be the funny guy now? But maybe Holly would be mad, because she calls you “peasant” not “jester”. Who invented words? I much prefer “reowr”.
So I wanted to say, “mew”. That means, I love you. I hope you start to feel better soon. You are wonderful. Wonderful is a big word. But big words mean big things, right? You are the biggest very, very wonderful.
My teeth hurt from holding this pencil, and I am very tired. I should rest more. Come visit me, okay? I will always be there for you.
Ember (Resident Funny Guy, I think)
[ Edited in part by Holly, Minister of Aesthetics and Pulchritude ]